Are you fighting WITH your love, or fighting FOR it??
Typically a marriage starts off on a happy note. Be it a love marriage or an arranged one, the prospective bride and groom embark on a new phase of their lives together, promising to live up to the vows till death parts them. However, it is indeed unfortunate when either or both the partners, somewhere along their journey, fall apart and all that remains is the option to go for a legal separation.
The recent times witness many such couples whose bright early married lives have been replaced by arguments, bickering, blame-games, and constant nagging. Unable to stand each other, they opt for divorce. While it was almost a sort of taboo to utter this word some decades back, it has more or less become the trend of the season. Ironically, marriage is considered to be a sacred bond of a lifetime, sanctioned and sanctified by both the society and the Almighty. What is it then that is leading more and more couples to break off from this pious bondage and choose divorce?? The most obvious reason is that the mindset of people has changed remarkably over the years. In the current generation, marriage has lost its respect and gravity, and people hardly care to rethink their marriage vows. While India has a divorce rate of 1.1%, that of the United States has already reached the 50 percent mark, being at 54.8%.
Marriages suffer breakdowns due to many different reasons. Lack of communication is a principal cause, amongst others. A couple need not always agree on everything, but it is very important that they communicate their point of view in a way that is assertive enough but not argumentative. Be it personal or general issues, both need to keep their communication channels open and free-flowing along with the receptivity and acceptability of their minds, so as to negotiate and arrive at a conclusion. Money-related issues can also pose a potential threat to marriages, as one’s saving and spending habits may not comply with the other person, and this, in turn, spark disagreements. Such issues should be discussed and resolved soon so that they do not take a turn for the worse. Another major reason that is causing a split in many marriages today is infidelity or cheating. Marriage is based on trust, faith and loyalty. If either of the partners in involved in any such activity, it will lead to the fatal end of divorce.
Impractical expectations or having too many expectations from one’s partner can also lead to the dissolution of marriage. Marriage is the coming together of two individuals with their own distinct personalities, habits, attitudes, beliefs, values etc. And instead of understanding and appreciating the uniqueness of the person, when a partner expects unrealistically from the other, it only brews bitterness. Expectations should be kept reasonable regarding everything. Also, the sense of commitment should be equal between both the partners to keep a marriage going. It is an institution based on mutual dedication, and therefore, both the parties need to put in efforts, make small sacrifices, adapt to each other’s flaws and shortcomings to ensure the success of their marriage.
Other factors that are contributing to the rising rate of divorces worldwide are alcohol and/or drug addiction in either of the partners, child-rearing issues such as not taking enough responsibility of the child, professional demands such as either of them giving up on better career prospects, changing locations, lack of time due to work pressure, etc. Rifts in a marriage can also be brought about by boredom, such as couples growing distant and disinterested in each other. It can be due to many reasons such as lack of mutual interests, intellectual incompatibility, chronic illness, insufficient financial resources, absence of humour etc.
In addition to the above, marriages might end up into divorce due to physical/emotional abuse, interference from parents and/or in-laws, inability to manage and resolve conflicts, lack of private space, cultural or lifestyle differences, jealousy etc.
However, couples that reach such a point in their lives must reconsider their decision and try to assess if the divorce is after all, worth it. During such phases, the negatives should not be let to override the positives. It is better to fix the problem than to abandon it altogether.