Focus on “we” instead of “me”
All of us tend to take our spouses for granted at times. We get engrossed in our work and don’t even notice our other half. That is the beginning of any disconnect in a relationship. More often than not, it happens that we think about ourselves first instead of wondering what the other person feels or thinks. When the ‘Me’ creeps into our lives, the “We” usually takes a back seat. This is when one needs to sit up and notice. Here are some ways to replace the “me” with the “we”.
Make an effort – all relationships need work, Commit to your marriage. Being open and honest about your needs and feelings to your partner without attacking each other or sore topics; or being defensive is difficult but really important. Take a time-out if really angry instead of saying things you may regret later. Also, do not interrupt while your partner is speaking. Please listen. Do not hurt the self-esteem of your partner.
Do not become emotional and egotistical in arguments. You do not have to win every argument. Also, learn to use humour and be funny, not sarcastic while arguing with your spouse. Mutual playfulness can enrich communication in relationships.
Avoid assuming and speak your mind. If you do not understand something, ask it and do not assume else the blame game begins. Say concisely and precisely what you mean when you have something to say in your relationship.
Also, please do not keep your emotions bottled up within you. Any relationship has to be a friendship where both have to share and provide each other’s needs. This must be both-sided. Practicing a little selflessness will work well. Take your spouse’s views and make decisions together instead of leaving it all on one person. Respect each other to begin with
If you are the only one working on your marriage, things are more difficult. You will have to be patient as your partner will not cooperate initially. There is a tendency to bring up the past which unsettles the present conversation. Changing the subject also serves as a barrier to communication.
Find time to talk and listen on each other’s goals or priorities in life. What you may discover may be something you didn’t know and quite admirable (even after many years of marriage). You might spend time together and just have a conversation on any interests of either one of you and just hear each other’s views. Appreciate each other more often and well, give honest feedback (and not a scathing one) if efforts made were not good enough.
Past mistakes or lows in your relationship might make you hesitant to begin. But you need to give an effort to make your marriage work. Dump the emotional baggage and open up!!