There might come a time in your life when you find yourself at crossroads with the person that you love – or thought you loved. It might be that there will be no solution to the problems that surround you and in effect, perhaps, one of you – or both, will decide to part ways. People tend to view breaking up as an earth shattering situation – filled with anger, hate or frustrations – the exact opposite emotions that once ruled your lives as a couple.
There are many ways to get over a break up. Many ways to grieve the loss of time spent together, the loss of companionship and to get over the constant nagging feeling of betrayal. Usually, people brood; carefully preserve their anger, as a coping mechanism. But how about going about things in a more positive way? Why not think about yourself for a change. So you’ve broken up and yes it is unfortunate and sad. You have all the right to feel depressed and angry and yes it will be difficult for a few days. However, don’t believe that your life is over, though it might seem so, especially if you have been the one to be ‘dumped’ unceremoniously.
Your life is not over – far from it.
There is a perfectly positive way to look at this – a very different perspective. This is a time when you should welcome yourself back. Think about it. In the quest for a perfect relationship, many of us forget to attend to one very important who is part of the couple – ourselves. We make sacrifices, adjustments and compromises. We do it, sometimes willingly and sometimes with hesitation, all in a bid to make the other person happy or to make life easier, as it were. However in this effort, we lose ourselves. We are also worthy of attention, we also need to take care of ourselves – something that we ignore when we are in a relationship because we are blind to our needs, in a bid to fulfill another’s.
There is a beautiful poem by Derek Walcott titled ‘Love after Love’ which speaks of the same concept. It describes a person greeting himself at the door with elation, offering himself food and wine – the “giving back” of a heart. “Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you,” goes a line in the poem – and it rings very true. We become strangers to ourselves – we are so involved with another person and his or her interests that we forget to spare a glance for our own selves, which stand in the background, patiently waiting for their needs to be addressed. We make the mistake of entrusting those needs to another person, who probably will not be able to think or feel exactly the same way that you expect them to. So rejoice in the fact that you have the time to nurture yourself. Give yourself all the attention that you were hitherto lavishing on someone else.
Reclaim yourself, reclaim your life. Live for yourself and yourself only – because you have been neglecting someone very important all these years - you. Join that dance class, take that trip – go abroad, see the world. Enjoy your relationship with yourself without the responsibility of someone else’s feelings. Love yourself.