Anger can spell danger for your marriage!
With great love comes great responsibility. Marriage is a major turning point in the lives of two individuals, where they learn to live together bound by the ties of warmth, affection and understanding, and are also committed to each other by a strong sense of responsibility towards their significant others. This demands that we deal with the trials and tribulations that come along with it in a manner that nurtures the bond, and not threaten it. Anger is an integral human characteristic, that all of us possess to some degree, though the magnitude varies. It invariably creeps into human relationships as well, since when we’re dealing with others, our follies and foibles are inextricably involved. Hence, married partners must develop the skills necessary to manage the emotion of anger in themselves as well as in their spouses.
Since marriage is such an institution where two people are involved in the most intimate manner ever – physically and emotionally, episodes of anger are bound to arise, and this must be resolved effectively. There may occur frustrations that instigate one or both to react in a manner that is apparently impulsive, thoughtless and harsh. Though this also might draw couples closer together under certain circumstances; contrarily, it may also backfire if the anger is used in a destructive manner. In the initial years of marriage, it is crucial for the partners to address the conflicts rather than avoid them. Conflict-free marriage is nothing but an oxymoron. People are different, and hence, opinions might clash. If issues are avoided then negative emotions will get bottled up inside and the release of these pent up feelings might have terrible effects. Unresolved anger, if continuously defied and compromised with, leads to ensuing violence in marriage. Such feelings get magnified, accumulated with distrust, anxiety and even fear. To avoid this, level with each other. Don’t presume that you know how the other person is feeling. Talk about your feelings candidly, without holding back anything that might be inwardly grudged later on. Use “I-statements” whenever you can, since they are work on most occasions to avoid attacks. Communicate them in a positive way.
Do not let the anger brew and simmer within, that might find a way -out in more perilous ways such as passive-aggression, chronic criticism, sarcasm, nagging, or worse still, indifference and detachment. Instead, choose an appropriate time and place, when both of you are ready to talk. Do not indulge in mixed or double messages. Verbal or non-verbal, these often lets your better half know that you’re angry and at the same time, denies it. Such duality should not exist; even when it comes to anger, try to keep things as transparent as possible. If you have a complaint, suggest at least one solution to it. Be willing to adapt yourself to their flaws or shortcomings, so to say, and put in that extra effort to work out your mutual differences and personal drawbacks in a way that brings out the best in you. You have to accept the fact that you cannot change your spouse, but you can change yourself. If you act obstinate or egoistic, then you’re refusing to have an intimate relationship in a way. Do not keep count of who wins and argument and who loses. You’re not opponents; you’re mutually working to smoothen out the wrinkles of anger, and your common goal is to reconcile the issues that cause friction without being hostile, or having vehement outbursts. You both should win, for the love must triumph against all odds.
Those couples who manage their anger issues well are those who manage to have a happy relationship with each other. Let each of you have ample chances to voice yourselves, but avoid yelling, screaming, backing off from each other or hurting each other physically, or even emotionally. Indulge in bonding-fighting that lets you build up as a couple, and not tear each other down. No couple is conflict-free. Rather, you have to change behaviours and adopt reasonable alternatives. Conflict and anger belong to a healthy conjugal relationship just as other positive emotions, but you have to let them strengthen your relationship, not destroy it.