Make a friend of your step-mother!
Yes, that sounds difficult. And why not? For all the reasons that one can think of, it isn’t that easy or normal for an individual to accept someone in such a pivotal role in his/her life as well as in the family. Someone who you’ve known differently perhaps. Or worse still, someone who you might not have known at all. And then, one fine day, such a woman is “supposedly” your mother. The very idea brings that lump into the throat, and that sinking feeling in the tummy. But life poses its own challenges before us at every turn, and one has got to take them in his/her stride in the best possible manner.
In the first place, it’s hard to accept such an irreparable loss in your life. Of a mother -due to death or otherwise. It might just be that the parents had a separation, and the father having won the child’s custody, wants that he/she should not miss the presence of a ‘mother’ at home. Initially, it seems to be quite impossible to let almost a stranger access to your home, and into your life. The one who brought you into this world has always meant the world to you, how can a mother be replaced? But as they say, time heals all wounds. There is no point in sulking over what one cannot change. Rather, if one is subjected to such circumstances, he/she should at least make an attempt to befriend the step-mother, try to get to know her, focus on her good qualities and also let her enter into your realm of thoughts and feelings.
If she’s going out of her way, putting in that extra effort, it is also your duty to reciprocate, if not anything else, then the kindness and generosity. If one nurtures negative feelings or bitterness within their heart from the step-mother, without any concrete reason, it will only worsen the scenario at home, leading to further discord in the lives of the other family members as well.
Rather, be good to her. Understand the fact that things are not easy for her as well. She too might be finding herself in a pretty baffling situation, having to do justice to multiple relationships, which are already a little convoluted. Even if she somehow fails to completely fit into the motherly archetype in your mind, at least let her be a friend.
Make her feel that you haven’t shut all the doors, and even though you might not be able to strike a great rapport as a mother-and-child, why not make a beginning as buddies? After all, in all probabilities, she is trying her best to make a little easier for you. She is not there to substitute your biological mother, but she can do a lot in augmenting your life-experiences. As you grow up, she will have an integral role to play in the little joys and woes of your life, and if you let her, she will surely help a great deal in steering you in the right direction.
Remember that she is also being put through assiduous tests. There are many people around who will simply pass judgements about her. Spend quality time with her, engage in fun recreational activities with her, share your ideas, opinions and emotions with her. Such meaningful, pleasurable interactions will enable you two to develop a positive equation.
Think beyond the parental responsibilities that she ought to deliver or the self-imposed walls that you ought to build around her. The obstacles may take time to be overcome, but it is best to refrain to from attacks.