Domestic Violence and You!
Sia (name changed) is a software engineer working with a reputed IT firm. Got married at an early age of 21 by her parents and yes it was an arranged marriage to a scientific officer .The marriage ceremony was grand. After all it was a matter of prestige and honour. She felt her parents had chosen the Mr. Right for him. He was her knight in shining armour. But destiny had something else in store for her. Within days of marriage, she was subjected to torture and harassment. Four years later, the condition is still the same. She is in a dilemma , she is unable to leave her husband because her parents refuse to take her back, she lives in an unknown city. She has no one to support her and though her friends are ready to get her out of the terrible marriage she lacks confidence.
This is the case of most of the women in the society; when we boast of women empowerment, financial independence etc. One thing that we must accept is that no matter where we reach, no matter how strong we grow, Indian women still lack the courage to leave their abusive husbands, fight against the society and grow on her own. Who is to be blamed? The law which fails to shelter such women, the parents who push girls into such terrible marriage, the society which doesn’t let single women live peacefully in the society. Am sure by the time I have finished writing this article there would be 10 other women who would be facing domestic violence and yet being mum about it.
One thing that I wish to spread via my post is that domestic violence is more about display of power, display of superiority. The more you keep mum about such incidents, the more you encourage your husband, in-laws etc. to harm you. If they are wrong by ill-treating you, you are hundred times wrong by staying mum about such incidents. We are very quick enough to point out mistakes in the law, police and the society. We come out, protest openly in the rallies, light candles, pledge to fight against rape and other crimes against women .But when it comes to our own household I am pretty sure, things take a backseat .Because the Indian society is all about hypocrisy. We all want to change the society but when It comes to our own household we want to be mum about it. We fear to come out and talk.
In Sia’s case, I clearly would like to question her, what is stopping her from getting out of this turbulent marriage. I know the sudden response is, it’s easy to speak and difficult to act on it. But again I would want to question - does getting kicks and blows from someone add anything to your life? Does it give you respect and status? How then, can you say that exposing the crimes of the husband is tantamount to falling in the eyes of society? Why would the society ever want to help someone who doesn’t help themselves. Women have been termed a weaker sex since ages and it’s time the tag is removed. We are no longer a weaker sex. We have captured the space and the galaxy and yet we are termed as the weaker sex.
No one is born weak. It’s the mindset that “we are weak” that has to be changed. People can harass you only till the day you wish to be harassed. The day you put your foot down and refuse to take things lying down, things will start looking up for you. The scenario would be quite different.
For All: When it’s violence at your place, the only solution is to confide in your friends, relatives and bring the mess out in the open. When you are witness to such domestic violence, expose it .Don’t be a silent spectator. You are equal partner in crime by being mum about domestic violence.
For Victim: You need to help yourself and this is the only solution for all your problems or stop being a victim
The choice is simply yours
Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Guest Post from Chitra B; http://zindagiunlimited.blogspot.in/