I’m ready for marriage, but my boyfriend is not!
Such is the story of many young ladies out there, who perhaps have been into a steady relationship with someone for a considerable period of time, but when it comes to tying the knot, or barely giving a thought to it, their prospective someone shilly-shallies with the question or in certain cases, may very outwardly get the goose-bumps when such a prospect is brought to question! Well, that might make many women feel vulnerable or insecure, and therefore, it is a crucial issue which needs to be delved into and dealt with.
If we look at it from an objective point of view, we shall come across a few things about marriage that intimidates ‘boyfriends’, which is why they do not feel confident enough to confront it. Such a beautiful institution of lifelong togetherness must be looked up to, with positivity and piety, and definitely not with a sense of fear attached to it. Then why do men often shy away from it? The most fundamental cause lying at the root of it is presumably, the commitment-phobia, as it is popularly referred to. Men are, self-admittedly or not, scared to commit to something that requires their time and attention “forever”, if viewed in an ideal light.
Relationships can be dismissed or broken away from, at any point of time, and this is happening quite rampantly, but it is not as easy to walk away from a marriage. The very thought of a divorce is terrifying, in so many ways, and therefore, when a man visualises the trifles, arguments, differences of opinion, or any such other issue that sometime or the other, crops up in a marriage, makes men shudder. This feeling of being tied down by certain obligations and bound to a person for life, scares men much more than women. Marriage comes with a profound socio-religious significance attached to it, and thus entails that one handles it with sufficient care and responsibility. And it is perhaps this part that repels a large section of men. They confess to being afraid of the concept of being “tied-down” to someone or bound by ‘shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’.
Also, marriage demands that the man is economically sound to support his family. Though in contemporary times, most women are earning for themselves, yet the principal onus lies on the man to fulfill the different needs of the family, and be financially strong enough for that. This also implicitly involves the thought of a child, which the couple might plan to have a few years down the line. It goes without saying that this too, involves varied responsibilities of its own, not only on monetary grounds, but other aspects as well. If boyfriends feel scared to be husbands, how on earth can they be good fathers?
An important aspect of this fear also comprises of the loss of power that a man feels, at the thought of getting married. As boyfriends, they mostly see the rosy side of love-stories, engaging in mushy talks and actions, romancing each other in the dreamiest of moments, and almost completely letting themselves aflutter on the winds of bliss; however, with marriage one sees the deeper sides of a relationship; one has to go through the tests of time to keep it going; there are some adjustments, adaptations and compromises involved; one might have to give up a little part of himself/herself for the sustenance of the unit that a couple is, and these things make men stumble when the marriage question is popped. They feel that they are not mature, or well-equipped enough to undergo the transition, and take on the multiple roles that marriage will expect them to enter into.
There are also some other doubts and uncertainties involved, such as convincing one’s parents about the match; as long as it is only dating, it might be confined to clandestine meetings, hushed late-night calls, conjuring up excuses to meet your significant other, but when it comes to marriage, your families are inevitably invited into the picture; and there things might be a little topsy-turvy. Last but not the least some stereotypical misconceptions about marriage, which are wrongly held by men, contribute to their fear of marriage. It might sound silly but anti-marriage jokes and clichés that do the rounds amongst men do build up a subconscious resistance within them against the idea.
So all you women, sit your men down and confront them with this article and ask them to shed their fears about marriage – or at least share them with you so that you can both work around them to ensure a future together!