Averting disaster: identifying relationship red flags
Relationship rights may not always be typed on stamped paper and eligible for presentation in a court of law, but in the court of “mutual respect in relationships”, they are of the highest priority. Every human being deserves love and respect, and these rights should be prioritized by romantic partners so as to ensure a healthy, mutually-respectful connection. This is a check list of potential relationship red flags, which could signal the need for intervention, a heart-to-heart discussion, or even the end of the relationship altogether.
Differentiating between casually spending time together versus spending serious quality time will determine as to whether he is serious about your relationship, or merely looking at being “just good friends”. Directing asking the man how he feels is the only way to avert the feelings of stress and anxiety which an “undefined” relationship will result in, especially when one of you wants to get serious while the other is comfortable with just being casual. “Unspoken connections must be brought to the surface if one of you wants to get serious”. Moral – better be safe and aware than sorry and living in utopia.
Inconsistency and keeping a partner waiting all the time indicates that a potentially serious relationship is already in danger of becoming a one-way street where one partner takes the other for granted. Keeping a partner out of the equation and calling them only when they need a favor, is a sure indicator that this is a relationship based on “wants and convenience” and not on love and mutual respect”. In a healthy relationship, both partners value each other’s priorities and commitments.
Partners with addiction issues raise some very red flags, especially during the nascent stages of a relationship where both sides are getting to know one another better. While it is certainly commendable for a new partner to take the disease of addiction as a challenge for them to solve, it is an often-lost battle, and lays the base for a rocky relationship. The cold, hard truth is that the addict’s first love will always be the source and substance/s of their addiction and not their partner, therefore ending it will be best before matters get worse.
Abusive behavior is another obvious red flag which is surprisingly widely ignored by those who endure it. Even one act of violence is not tolerable, and should not be considered “a one-time incident”, regardless of whether it is in the nascent stages of a relationship or in the middle of a decade long relationship. Violence, in any form, is not acceptable or excusable as it indicates a complete lack of respect for ones partner, and there is also no guarantee that it will stop.
Rudeness and general misbehavior, while considered as being a red flag, is a solvable issue with most people, although chronic bad behavior is another matter. Rude partners create double trouble by being rude and curt towards everyone around them, thereby making you the designated apology provider; you are apologizing not only for your partner’s behavior which you are not responsible for, but you are also getting pulled into situations which threaten to disrupt your own relationships with other people. Talking things out with your partner and making him understand the extent of damage caused by his behavior will help in preventing this problem.
The biggest red flag which should signal the end of a relationship is cheating on ones partner. Being unfaithful in a relationship is similar to breaking glass and then attempting to glue it back together again; you may get most of it glued back together but some gaps and chunks will always remain visible and impossible to fix. Trust once broken, can never be 100% fixed, which is why it is in your best interest to end the relationship and move on till you find someone who is committed to you and nobody else.
Overall it is important to realize that both people in a relationship deserve equal care and respect, that that neither partner is superior to the other in any way. While love is certainly an integral part of a relationship, the strength of it will be determined by the behavior and choices of the people involved in it, and once both people prioritize each other enough to avoid harmful behavior, the base for a long-lasting and loving relationship will be created for years to come.