Double Trouble or Double the Fun?
Challenging or Back Breaking?
One shot target achieved or Missed chance of a second pregnancy experience?
As often said, there is a flip side to everything and so it is in this business of raising twins. I have had my fun and fame but I have had those moments also which prompt me to tear my hair out.
I say fame because twins always catch the attention of outsiders. I have tested this theory often enough. They never catch anyone's attention on those few occasions I have taken one of them out alone to the doctor for example.
To an outsider, they may be twins, similar in mannerisms, behaviour, likes and dislikes, but as a mother, I know that they are different in all the above. They might fight for the same toy or book from time to time, but their tastes and preferences seem to be different. Their talents and aptitude are different too.
The biggest challenge for a parent is to respect and accept the fact that they are individuals in their own right rather than treat them as a unit or part of a whole or allow one to dominate the other. Of course it is bound to happen as in the case of siblings in general but since the twins are so closely bonded right from birth and unlike siblings of different ages, they are to be in the same class even, therefore it is important that one's growth and self development is not stifled by the other's presence.
An ideal thought for me as their mother would be to want them to benefit out of each other's strengths not compete for dominance. I am all for fair competition but not without sharing and caring. It is not about the best man winning but about together we can do better.
I always mention the one advantage that I have as a mother- it does not take double the effort to go about taking care of their daily business because the activity is the same unlike if they are siblings of different ages. Therefore the type of food remains same, the studies and homework are same and the activities are also same. Of course I will never have the concept of hand me downs but then they will always have double the number of clothes to wear at any given point.
I also believe in not following a first among equals method. I do not refer one of them as the older one even if some people do try to call the 1 minute older twin as elder brother!
Consciously we need to make an effort not to compare them or their talents and milestones.
Though we try to give equal share of love and attention to both the brothers, there is no denying of the fact that while we parents get double the fun in bringing them up, their share of parent's attention and "me time" is halved by luck & design. A popular thought is to give them individual me time but I have found that they are miserable without their twin so it is best to do everything together.
Guest post from www.itchingtowriteblogs.blogspot.in